I’m having a girl problem. Her name is Lydia. She was given to me by the Jarl of Whiterun. At first, things were OK, except she was always in my way, standing in doors and arches when I’m trying to loot chests and fix salmon steaks. But now she’s gone. She didn’t say anything about it, or let me know where she was going. She just disappeared.
What the hell?
Is she mad at me? Did I kill one too many rabbits in front of her? Did I give her too much of my stuff to carry around? I gave her some good stuff, too! She was using a steel sword of cold, and kicking a lot of ass with it.
Or maybe it’s how I let her fight everyone, then I’d sneak up behind whomever she was fighting and finish them off. I thought that’s how she liked to fight, because she’d always rush up to anyone or anything and start slashy-slashin’. Apparently I was wrong. I haven’t seen her since we went to Gallows Rock with Delphine and slaughtered a freshly summoned dragon.
I’ve looked all over for her. She’s not dead — her corpse isn’t in the Hall of the Dead. She wasn’t waiting at home for me, either. I looked in Dragonsreach, Gallows Rock, Riverwood, Ivarstead, High Hrothgar, EVERYWHERE we’ve been together. She’s gone. No forwarding address, and she’s not responding to my text messages.
I have someone else now. Her name is Jenassa, or Janessa, or… you know what, I don’t care what her name is. Picked her up at the Drunken Huntsman in Whiterun for 500 gold. She’s terrible. She doesn’t rush in. All she does is fire weak-ass arrows from a distance. My knees are getting riddled with arrows. My ass has been handed to me in 100 different ways. I’m trying to rescue someone at Mistwatch, but I can’t get past three bandits. I could with Lydia. Not with this weak bitch.
Lydia, I miss you. Come back to me.
My relationship with Lara Croft was so much easier.
p.s. If you think this post was slightly disturbing, it’s NOTHING compared to all the Lydia-based Skyrim porn I found while trying to find a picture of Lydia.